Schlock - O - Rama 2018, Quick Takes

So, courageous Carl took a trip out to the Mahoning Drive In to spend a couple of nights watching schlock projected on the big screen from 35mm prints. He must have had a good time, as his comments are brief. Read On!

Russelmania - The Afterglow....

Here it is:

Film 1- Tango and Cash- hated this movie when it first came out and it still goes- walked out after 20 minutes of this ridiculous, dopey, retarded waste of a film. Great cast in the wrong movie. Shitter #1.

Film 2- Breakdown- haven't seen this since it first hit vhs release. Excellent thrill ride of a film. Really enjoyed it.

Film 3- Used Cars- been dying to see this on 35mm and I finally got my chance. Always loved this one and it was the first time as a child I got to see titties on television. My favorite of the entire marathon.

Film 4- Executive Decision- was meh about it when it first hit vhs, and it still goes. Loved Seagal, though he's gone really early, and loved the fucking terrorists getting their asses handed to them after over an hour of lollygagging on the plane. Other than that, kind of too long and rather boring.

Film 5- Escape from LA- I groaned in absolute agony when the title came up on the screen. Hated this waste of a sequel since it first came out, and have loathed it's existence ever since. I promptly got our check and split, because I refused to be subjected to this shitter.

Remote Control - Hey! I Can Like Stuff, Too!

Never seen before, and what better way than on 35mm? Great satirical piece ahead of it's time. And Jennifer Tilly looked ultra tasty in it. Too bad she was the first victim. Plus a great Q and A as always with the director, Jeff Lieberman.

Hong Kong-athon? More Like Kong Kong Fooey

Was extremely excited with anticipation for this marathon of mystery films right out of Hong Kong. A great gathering of friends in a ripened smelling theatre, filled with people, almost emulating the old theatre in Chinatown I used to frequent to see Chinese films, but without the smoking, and the potpourri of food smells.

 This however was not the show I was expecting at all, and was extremely disappointed with the program, consisting of mostly 90s films (blecchh 90s films). I was so glad to leave after sitting through 3 of them, because I and others had to make it to another event. I will keep the names of the films I did see a mystery, due to the request of our host, Grady Hendrix.

Film 1. Hint was, "The ultimate cop movie from Hong Kong's heyday. " - Far from it, a boring mess of a film, that is quite ridiculous. The audience annoyed me, guffawing at every inane act, and I didn't understand what was so funny.

Film 2. Hint was, "A classic Kung Fu crowdpleaser that will knock your block off." - Neither classic (90s, helloooo! ), nor pleasing, nor did it knock my block off. I will say that it was a Jet Li film, and though I love Jet Li, I did not love this at all. I have seen this before, and was eh about it then. It was a mixture of kung Fu and loads of dopey humour that isn't remotely funny. Though the audience once again, maniacally guffawed at all of it. I don't like unfunny slapstick comedy mixed with my kung Fu. So unappealing.

 Film 3. Hint was, "A cop flick from the bleakest year for the Hong Kong film industry. " - an utterly boring, drawn out cop soap opera. It started off ok, then screeched to a snail's pace, where nothing, absolutely NOTHING happens for awhile, until the last 5 minutes, where there's a painfully slow motion shootout.

 So in all, I hated everything I saw and felt I wasted my time and money. So disappointed.

Enter Ti West's House of the Devil, Exit Valuable Time

From Friday night- never seen this before, and I wish I hadn't. Slow burn is not the phrase- more like grinding gears in reverse. So painfully dull and boring, with absolutely nothing happening for over an hour. I was incredibly fidgety, watching the main character roam a house, doing nothing. And when something does happen, it's shaky cam nonsense that just does not deliver. An utterly useless piece that is not remotely scary, tense, or anything. All it made me feel was anger for being subjected to this drivel. A complete waste of my valuable time.

Hudson Horror Show 16 - The Aftermath

Still recovering from what has now become a staple in the 35mm experience twice a year. Feel like I'm hung over without imbibing anything. However, I wouldn't trade my bodily aftermath for anything in the world because of this event. I moved from my usual comfort of theatre 6 to theatre 1 this go around just to change it up, as well as the order of the lineup being closer to my taste. On to the films-

Classic Monster Mash Double Feature

So after finishing out 24-hour Horrorthon, thought to might as well stick around for this double feature event.

1. Frankenstein's Bloody Terror- great to see this Paul Naschy venture on 35mm and in 3-D, though no Frankenstein is even in it. Slow building, but the 3rd act starts to pick up and become an increasingly incoherent mess.

2. Dracula vs. Frankenstein- started off ok, with amazing title sequence, but just falls flat and became absolutely dull and overly silly. Had enough after an hour, so some of us decided to call it quits and split.

Again, a great time overall, getting to hang with friends, the sinister secret Santa, and the potluck dinner.